||[Apr. 26th, 2006|02:17 pm]
King Francis IX
Since you seem to be an expert on one-sided relationships, I thought you might be able to help me solve this little riddle that has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks now. I dated a guy for a while, and not 2 months after our 2 year anniversary he says he can't see me anymore. Apparently I make him miserable.
Now I'm a nice girl. I work full time at a law firm and go to law school at night. My schedule doesn't exactly allow for much time to relax so he didn't even see me that often. And when he did, I was usually too tired to go out so we would stay in and watch a movie. I'm nice, everyone at work loves me, I have lots of friends, I'm on a fairly solid career track, I take care of myself, I fix my own appliances, I'm pretty cute, I love football, I'm a cheap date, and I'm an all around good person. Usually I would say I was perceptive, but seeing as how I made this poor guy miserable for so long without realizing it, I guess I have to take that off the list.
Here's my question. What is so wrong with this guy that he'll put up with someone who makes him unhappy for so long while pretending to be happy the entire time? Frankly, he wasted a whole lot of my time and I don't understand why.
You definitely came to the right place, because it's true, I am very experienced with one-sided relationships. I can't tell you how many times I've had girls coming on to me, totally crushing on me and stuff, but I have to turn them away, because I'm not available.
I'm like, "Hey, sorry babe. You're hot and all, but I'm with Nina and she totally shot down the three-way idea. So you'd probably better just move on and settle for someone else, because she can be really... violent."
Anyway, to answer your question, I'm going to start by assuming that it isn't something obvious, like if you got really huge or all your hair fell out or something. Because if it is anything like that, you already know the answer.
Okay, the next thing we need to look at is that there are always two people in every couple. In this case, it would be you and your ex-boyfriend guy. Now, you ask "What is so wrong with this guy that he'll put up with someone who makes him unhappy?", but you probably ought to spend some time thinking about what it was that you did to make him unhappy.
I noticed a couple of things in your description of yourself. First of all, you call yourself "nice" two times in that paragraph, and I have to be honest with you, most guys aren't looking for "Nice." "Nice" and "hot"? Not the same thing. That doesn't mean that you can't be both, but listen to your own words. You call yourself nice twice but don't say anything about hotness at all! The closest you get is "pretty cute" which is just not the same thing.
Plus, I read all that other stuff, and the only thing you said about the two of you as a couple is that he didn't even get to see you that often and that all you ever did together is stay home and watch movies! And I'll just bet you made him watch weepy chick stuff too. With all the other stuff you were doing, I feel like you didn't really have any room in your life for a relationship. It's really important to make your boyfriend or girlfriend a priority in your life. Take me, for example. I make it a point to spend as much time with Nina as possible. Even when she tells me to stop following her around, I know that, inside, she really appreciates the attention.
Now before you start feeling like you're totally to blame, remember that this guy might just be a jerk. Sometimes I worry that being such a public figure like I am makes things difficult for normal people because it just raises their expectations and girls like you start thinking that they can have a guy as cool as me when the problem is that there just aren't hardly any guys out there that are as cool as me.
There are a lot of guys who just aren't all that self-aware, and so they get unhappy without even knowing why. Probably, you didn't actually make him unhappy the whole time you were together. Probably, he just started being unhappy, like, two weeks before he broke up with you. Maybe his favorite sports team lost the championship or he had a crappy sandwich for lunch that day, but because he doesn't really think about stuff with, you know, logic and stuff, he didn't know what was making him happy. When guys like that get in that situation, all they can think to do is just start throwing stuff out of their life until they get happy again, but it doesn't usually work, because the real reason they are unhappy is that they are dumbasses. So it may be that his unhappiness didn't even really have anything to do with you, but because he's a dumbass, he blamed you for it anyway.
So, while I can understand that you are kind of mad because you feel like it was wasted time, given that he's apparently a dumbass, don't you think it's probably better that you broke up now instead of getting married or something?
Most guys aren't really that complicated, so if you find a guy who is, you should steer clear, because it probably means there is something wrong with him. And I know girls like guys to be mysterious and stuff, but trust me, in the long run, most 'mysterious' guys just turn into unhappy weirdos.
And if you find a new guy, make sure that you really set aside time to do exciting things with him. And "exciting" doesn't necessarily mean you have to leave home, if you know what I mean. ;-) Make a list of priorities so that you know when to let go of the trivial stuff, like your lawyer classes, and focus on the important stuff, like your bf's dinner.
(Remember to send your emails to askfrancisIX@gmail.com, and listen to his adventures in Nina Kimberly the Merciless.)